Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
