you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
