and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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