Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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