You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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