Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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