Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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