Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize