dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
