This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
