The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
