Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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