Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my shit smells like andre
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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