I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
