i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
