whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
