Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
