and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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