You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
