just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
