party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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