I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
