i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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