Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
