nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
