im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
