Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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