we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so much tequila, so little girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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