I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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