worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
