my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
