she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
