oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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