How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
