If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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