she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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