I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
