You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
