I can tuck mytits in my pants
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
