Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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