Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize