I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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