i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
