my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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