im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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