wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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