Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
