He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
