You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
