I hope mine doesn't look like that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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