I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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