so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
