its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
