I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
