Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
