goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
