Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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