New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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