So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize