I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
