Did you just see the Batmobile???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
