no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
