I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
