Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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