upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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