It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
