you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
