I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
