I am puke
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
