Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
