I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
