But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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