i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He better not be in your backpack
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
