she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
