Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
