Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
