what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
