your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
