His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
