Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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