I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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