Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
