But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
