This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
