When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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