You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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