Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
