Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
