Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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