Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
