i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
