Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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