Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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