I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
