Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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