Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
