i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
