I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
