is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
