I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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